YOU HAVE TO HAVE LOVE

IT STARTED AS JUST A NORMAL EVENING IN THE MEN’S halfway house, if there is such a thing. The clients were returning home from work, getting ready for supper in a very limited time frame. Things were unusually hectic, but the men had learned to work with it for the most part. This night would be dramatically different.

Roger was a well-groomed, articulate thirty-year-old black male. He had picked this evening in this tight time frame to make a self-disclosure on his own without counsel. He told his three roommates that he was gay. This occurred about the time that Ernie, a white male about twenty-nine years old, was taking off his shirt and getting ready to take a shower, displaying a very distinctive tattoo—KKK. Ernie said some nasty things. It got worse, as Roger added that he was also HIV positive. Ernie kept up his obscenities, as the other two roommates stood there in shock.

Ernie headed to the shower; Roger tried to explain his purpose to the other roommates to no avail and left for the washroom. In those days we did not have the thermo controls on the showers and one could not flush the toilet while someone was showering. Roger did and Ernie was in the shower. He came out screaming and saw Roger, knowing he was the cause, just let out every bit of verbal abuse he had learned while in the correctional world. Roger’s verbal platitudes made Ernie’s well-tuned muscular frame flex to such a point, everyone present imagined some serious bodily harm would follow. Some of those who had been drawn to the verbal tirade came running to me to intervene.

The outbursts were so vocal and loud that I was already on the way. Upon arriving, I directed Roger and Ernie to get ready for supper, but to see me before they sat down to eat. I asked the other men to explain what happened.

In my office, both Roger and Ernie had their own version of the story. When they were finished I asked them to forgive each other, shake hands and make up. “I’ll never shake that gay nigger’s hand,” Ernie said.

“He’s far too ignorant to understand anything. Why should I make up when I did nothing wrong?” Roger responded.

“Then you both need to pack your bags after supper and leave Serenity House.” I said. ‘If you need assistance or transportation, I’ll help you out.”

They left my office and I went to supper, returning to my office later to do some paperwork. There was a knock on my door and a group of clients came in. They were petitioning me to reconsider my directive and give the two men a second chance.

“Would you call everyone together in the lounge,” I asked. “I will be there in five minutes.”

When they were all gathered I addressed them, saying “You are saying that I am discharging Roger and Ernie because one is a gay black man and the other acts like a bigoted ex-con, but that’s not true. To live in a community, you must have one ingredient that lives within you every day. You have to have love.”

I then read the following:

If I had the gift of being able to speak in other languages without learning them, and could speak in every language there is in all of heaven and earth, but didn’t love others, I would only be making noise. If I had the gift of prophesy and knew all about what is going to happen in the future, knew everything about everything, but didn’t love others, what good would it do? Even if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, I would still be worth nothing at all without love. If I gave everything I have to poor people, and if I were burned alive for preaching the Gospel but didn’t love others, it would be of no value whatever.

Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.

It is never about injustice, but rejoices when truth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.

All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end, but love goes on forever. Someday prophecy, and speaking in unknown languages, and special knowledge—these gifts will disappear.

Now we know so little, even with our special gifts, and the preaching of those most gifted is still so poor. But when we have been made perfect and complete, then the need for these inadequate special gifts will come to an end, and they will disappear.

It’s like this: when I was a child I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I became a man my thoughts grew far beyond those of my childhood, and now I have put away childish things. In the same way, we can see and understand only a little bit about God now, as if we were peering at his reflection in a poor mirror; but someday we are going to see Him in His completeness, face to face. Now all that I know is hazy and blurred, but then I will see everything clearly, just as clearly as God sees into my heart right now.

There are three things that remain the same—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13: 1–11

I had made copies of this text from the Bible and handed them out. “Let’s read this.” Then I asked, “Now how many of you are going to try to follow what the Apostle Paul wrote?”

Ernie said, “If I leave here I go back to jail. I can’t go back to jail. I will do anything not to go back to jail.”

Roger followed, “If I leave here I will surely die. This is my last chance. I’ll try anything to stay.”

“Well, the first factor of Love is for the two of you to forgive each other and shake hands.” As I saw them struggle with their pain at that moment I realized that here the miracle of Serenity House would be tested. Roger broke the deadly silence first by saying he was sorry. Ernie quickly said the same. The two shook hands. The other clients applauded and congratulated them, also shaking their hands.

As the months followed, I saw them become really close friends. One day I saw the bandages on Ernie’s shoulder. He had gone to the hospital to have his KKK tattoo removed. The miracles of Serenity House were working in ways I could not believe.

Then one day, I was walking into the recreation room where Roger and Ernie played a lot of Ping-Pong with each other. This was to be their last game. Ernie was leaving. When they tied at twenty, they quit. Neither wanted to beat the other. They gave each other a hug.

“I love ya man,” said Ernie.
“I love ya too,” followed Roger.

We all had tears in our eyes as Ernie left the room. Roger and I stood in silence, and then Roger said, “I’ll miss him.”

“You’re leaving soon also,” I responded. “We will miss both of you.”

Months passed and we were looking for individuals to give their testimonials at our annual banquet. “What about Ernie and Roger?” the staff inquired.

Roger could make it, but Ernie had to work second shift that night. “And besides,” he said, “I don’t have a suit.” He insisted he couldn’t go without a suit despite my continually telling him that he didn’t need one. Ernie said he was sorry, but he just couldn’t make it.

The banquet evening was, as always, a time of great joy and celebration. The Governor of our State of Illinois was the guest speaker. The Attorney General was our Honorary Chairman. After their speeches, the first of the four alumni gave a testimonial. Roger was our last speaker. As always, he was eloquent, and then, he seemed to choke up as he spoke of his friend Ernie and how he wished he were there to share the moment. He closed and I headed toward the podium to congratulate him on the fine presentation he had made.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone coming out of the back of the banquet hall, a young man dressed up in a brand new suit. As he came closer, I recognized it was Ernie. I stopped as he came closer to the stage. Roger went down the steps to meet him. Coming closer to the podium, they embraced, giving each other a powerful hug. Roger pointed to the mike and pleaded with Ernie to say something. Ernie was afraid and all choked up, but after the encouragement from a lot of us, he went to the microphone.

“My name is Ernie,” he said. “And I’m an alcoholic.” “Hi, Ernie,” the audience responded. “I don’t know a whole lot about life,” he continued. “But one thing I know for sure. If you want to make it in this life, ‘You Have to Have Love’.”